


Secretly Smiling

by SkyfirePrism



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 15:36:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3255110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyfirePrism/pseuds/SkyfirePrism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the hope of resolving some internal conflicts, a confused Caroline confronts Klaus. One-shot. Takes place after 4x09. [Originally posted on FF.net Feb. 5, 2013]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secretly Smiling

She couldn't seem to make herself believe that she was actually standing there, but she was. She should be  _anywhere_  else right now. In fact, she could think of several places she really  _should_ be - helping Elena get over Damon, distracting Stefan from remembering that she had been with Damon in the first place, holding Tyler while he grieved. That last one was  _really_ making her feel guilty. There were so many places she should be, and yet, here she was, at the one place she  _shouldn't_ be.

She'd been standing on Klaus' doorstep for the last ten minutes, arguing silently with herself. She would raise her hand, finger poised over the doorbell, ready to press it, only to hesitate and drop it back down. Raise. Drop. Raise. Drop. She'd done it at least half a dozen times. She wasn't even sure why she was there in the first place. At first, she'd convinced herself that she had wanted to give him a piece of her mind, tell him off for all of the horrible things he'd done the night before. He'd slaughtered the hybrids.  _They were attempting to kill him._ He'd murdered Carol Lockwood in cold blood. She had been the only family Tyler had left.  _Only after Tyler forced his hand by making him kill the family he'd created._ He was only alone because he was a monster, and he'd daggered the last member of his actual family that had given a damn about him. And that was where she was stuck.

She  _knew_ he was a monster. He killed without hesitation or remorse. He killed people for getting in his way. He killed people for daring to disagree with him. He killed people for betraying him. Why hadn't he killed Stefan yet? Hell, why hadn't he killed  _her_  yet? He was an intelligent man, always one step ahead, so she found it hard to believe that he'd been unaware all of those times she'd being playing decoy. He'd been letting her do it. Whether it was because of his arrogance or his feelings for her that he played along, she wasn't quite sure. It still didn't change the facts, though - she'd betrayed him. A lot. So had Stefan, and yet the two of them were still alive. Or as alive as they could be as vampires anyways.

She huffed out a breath, squared her shoulders, and quickly rang the bell. The only way she was going to find out why she was  _actually_ here was to confront the monster himself. If she survived the encounter, she would have her answer. She waited, straightening the folds of her pale blue skirt so they fell evenly around her legs. Realizing what she was doing, she clasped her hands in front of her. Though she was never one to let her appearance be anything but perfect, the fact that she had felt the need to cater to her vanity before she saw him irked her. She waited a few more seconds before pressing the little button again with a little more irritation. Maybe he wasn't home? That would be just her luck. She tapped the toe of her black pump against the stone impatiently.

"It figures," she mumbled under her breath as she turned on her heel to leave. The door opened behind her, and she didn't have to turn to know it was him. His distinctive scent beneath the expensive cologne he wore and the instant twinge of fear he elicited gave him away instantly whenever he was near her.

"Caroline," his voice was as silky as ever when he said her name, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"

For a brief moment she contemplated running, but he already knew she was here. She had a feeling he wouldn't be inclined to just let her go. That, and she wasn't a coward. The days of Caroline Forbes cowering to  _anyone_  were long passed. Turning back to face him, she hoped her face was sufficiently angry. She frowned. He looked calm, almost amused, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest and his let's-forget-I'm-a-homicidal-maniac smirk firmly in place.

Her angry facade fell, giving way to genuine irritation as she threw her hands in the air in an exasperated huff and stalked past him into the foyer of the Mikaelson mansion before turning back to pin him with a glare. "Seriously? Do you even know what remorse  _feels_  like?"

His mocking grin never faltered. "I have no idea what you mean, love. Though I have a sneaking suspicion that you're going to tell me, so," he moved into the foyer and closed the door behind him,"why don't we move this conversation to somewhere a bit more comfortable."

He extended a hand, motioning her through one of the doors off to the side of the grand staircase. She complied, taking herself into the room she assumed was a lounge or greeting room of some sort. There were two couches placed on either side of a low table, and he indicated that she should take a seat. She did, and watched as he moved to a cabinet against the far wall, pulling out a decanter and two glasses. Even with his back to her, there was something about the way he moved that made her heart do little flip-flops in her chest. She wanted to scream.

"I didn't come here for a drink," she snapped, crossing her arms.

"Nonsense. There's no reason we can't be civilized," he gave her a sidelong glance over his shoulder, "Besides, you're not quite as... abrasive, when you have a drink in your hand."

Caroline made an indignant sound at the back of her throat. "What's that supposed to mean? That I need a drink in order to not be bitchy?"

She could have sworn she heard him choke back a laugh. He'd just committed mass murder the night before and he was  _laughing_! It only served to irritate her more.

"Did you not recently say that you needed a drink if we were going to be nice to each other?" he said, turning around and walking back towards her, holding out one of the glasses, "Take the drink and we'll discuss whatever it is that has brought you here, because I'm quite confident that there is somewhere else you should really be right about now."

He was not helping her internal dilemma. She growled at him and took the offered glass, raising it to her lips and taking a large drink of what she discovered to be bourbon. "Happy now?"

He simply grinned devilishly and dropped himself down on the sofa across from her, leaning against the back and propping a booted foot on his knee. The neck of his black cable-knit sweater pulled to the side as he stretched one arm along the back of the sofa, revealing a smooth sliver of skin just above his collarbone.  _Why did he always have to look so damn gorgeous?!_

"Well?" he asked, brows raised questioningly, his voice successfully snapping her mind back to the task at hand.

Fighting the blush that was desperately trying to inch it's way up her neck, she glared at him. "Well, what?"

"Isn't this where you tell me how much of a monster I am?" He was still grinning. "How horrible I am for slaughtering my creations?" The grin began to fade around the edges and a shadow fell over his blue eyes. "What a cruel, heartless bastard I am for taking away the only family your boyfriend had left?" Shit. He'd used the word boyfriend. So much for the break-up ruse. There was no more grin now. His expression was dark, deadly, daring her to repeat any of the things he'd said back to him, and promising violence if she did. He swirled the bourbon in his glass as he gave her an expectant look. "Well Caroline? What is it that you came here to say?"

Her hand trembled a little, and she dropped her gaze from his eyes, unable to bear the intense weight of them, to the glass in her hands, gripping it a little tighter. "I - I don't know," she confessed, her voice barely a whisper.

"I didn't quite catch that, love."

Her eyes snapped back up in a moment of defiance. She knew he had heard her. His hearing was just as, if not more, acute than hers was, but she repeated herself anyways. "I said, I don't know, okay? I don't know why I'm here."

The grin was back. "There now, that wasn't so difficult, was it?"

Could he  _be_  any more infuriating? "Yes, actually, it was. I shouldn't be here. I should be anywhere  _but_  here. In fact," she put her glass on the table and stood up. "I should leave."

She had barely made it around the back of the sofa before he had his hand around her wrist, stopping her instantly. It wasn't like they'd never had contact before, but it still made her heart jump a little in her chest, just like it had all of the previous times they'd touched, and just like those times, she mentally chastised herself for having those feelings. This was  _Klaus._  She couldn't be attracted to him. She  _wouldn't_ be. No matter how hard she fought it though, she was never able to banish the feelings completely. Emotions were traitorous little things, with little concept of right and wrong. Much like the person they'd been attaching themselves to as of late. She had to do something, and fast. She went for angry, pulling her arm out of his grasp. She knew that she wouldn't have been able to had he intended to hang on, but he let her pull away.

"No. You do  _not_  get to touch me after what you did." She spat, meeting his eyes.

He stared back at her, his eyes hard. "Need I remind you," he said through clenched teeth, as he inched forward, backing her up towards the wall, "who was playing decoy while they were breaking their sire bonds and planning their little palace coup? Did you ever think, for one moment, that things may have turned out differently had I discovered their little plot sooner?"

Honestly, she hadn't thought about that. Would it have made a difference if she or Stefan had told him sooner than Hayley had? No, it probably wouldn't have. Probably. She had the grace to look embarrassed. "No, I never thought that. It doesn't mean that I didn't feel guilty, though."

He gave a harsh laugh, but it wasn't the least bit amused. "Oh, you felt  _guilty."_  He started pacing in front of her, his movements tight and every bit reminiscent of a predator waiting to pounce. "Everything I've done was for  _them._ I've slaved over the last thousand years to be able to create  _them_. First Elena dies and comes back as a vampire, negating my ability to create more, and then the first of my creations, my first born, turns the few I have remaining against me with the intent of sealing me away. For how long? Months? Decades? Indefinitely? Mikael had me on the run once. I wasn't about to let them have me on the run again, nor was I willing to spend a millennium hunting them down one by one like stray dogs. So I did the only thing I could. I destroyed them. They were created from  _me_ by  _me._ They were destroyed by  _me._ " He stopped in front of her. "Now tell me, Caroline, what should I have done? What would you have done if you'd been faced with the same choice?"

She felt the first prickles of tears sting her eyes. She didn't want to know this. She wanted to hold on to the fact that he was a horrible person, someone that was made entirely of selfishness and violence. She should have known it wouldn't work. She'd seen enough of the person behind all of that, the person that he seldom allowed anyone to see. There had been small glimpses of someone who'd been hurt, badly, and of someone who liked to laugh. He was determined, and dedicated to the things he cared about in his own way. It was all hidden behind fear. He had an all-consuming fear of being alone and having the things he cherished taken from him. It was a fear that he used to his advantage. He used it to lash out at the people that wronged him. He took from them the very things that he himself was afraid of losing. That had been why he'd focused his anger on Carol rather than Tyler. Once again, she found herself not knowing what to say to him, so she just stood there with wide eyes, keeping the tears from falling through sheer stubborn will.

He ran a his palm down his face and made a strangled sound in his throat. "Leave, Caroline. It was pointless for you to come here."

She picked up the slight note of hurt in his voice beneath the irritation, but she turned on her heel and started walking towards the door. He'd used the same tone when she'd accused him of not getting to know people, of trying to control them or buy them off. That night at the Mikaelson's ball seemed like a lifetime ago. He'd thanked her for her honesty then, even if it hadn't been at that precise moment. Then he'd dared her to get to know him. Boy had she. It hadn't all been intentional, but he'd given her glimpses of a man that just wanted someone to genuinely give a damn about him.

She wondered, sometimes, if it would make any difference. If someone genuinely loved him, would it be enough? Enough to what? Change him? Make him a different person, a better person? Was he really a bad person to begin with? Their world wasn't the same as the world she had grown up in. It was survival of the fittest here. Only the strong and the smart survived. He did what he had to do to ensure that he survived. Could she really fault him for that? Could she fault any of them for that? She'd come to realize that it wasn't him ensuring his survival that bothered her. It was all of the unnecessary things he did just to drive the knife a little deeper. They'd hurt him, so he had to prove he could hurt them worse. He had to be the baddest, the toughest, the smartest, the most ruthless. It was petty. Would having someone truly love him soothe the insecurities? Caroline often wondered that about herself. Tyler loved her, and made her feel wanted, but it hadn't really changed the way she viewed herself. She was always the one being kidnapped or tortured it seemed, and it made her feel weak, so she was always trying to find ways to make herself useful, and yet people still seemed to disregard her. The only ones that never seemed to do that were Stefan and, strangely, Klaus.

She had been brazenly honest with him before, so why couldn't she be honest with him now? That was the question that plagued her. Yes, he could be horrible at times, but that wasn't  _all_  he was. She'd seen other sides of him. She didn't know if she could ever overlook all of the bad, but she owed him honesty, and more than that, she owed  _herself_  honesty. With that thought, it dawned on her. She didn't do the exact same things he did, she could never do things like that to people, but she suffered from the same insecurities. She couldn't be honest with him without being honest with herself first. Being in love with, and loved by, Tyler hadn't fixed the way she viewed herself. Did that mean it wouldn't make a difference for Klaus if someone loved him, or did it mean that Tyler's love just wasn't enough to make a difference for her?

She paused with her hand resting on the handle of the front door. There was a choice to make here, and for the life of her, Caroline couldn't decide which one was the right one. Choices aside, she needed to be honest. Tyler wasn't the only hybrid that had grown on her. She hadn't liked him at first either. He'd done some horrible things at the beginning. She didn't know what she would do in the future, but she knew what she was going to do  _now._  She dropped her hand and clenched her fists in determination.  _Thank you for your honesty._  Would he be thankful this time? She turned around and headed back towards the lounge, the click of her heels punctuating every step she took and reaffirming the fact that she finally had her reason for coming here.

She found him standing in front of one of the large paned windows when she walked back through the open door. She paused when he didn't turn. His elbow was propped against the frame, his head leaning against his closed fist, as he stared out. There was something almost... absent about the way he stood there like that. It was like he wasn't really there. That was something she'd never seen from him. Klaus filled a room. Even if there were a hundred other people there, his presence was known. Moving delicately, she made her way across the room, and it wasn't until she stood beside him that he acknowledged her. He turned his head away from the window to look at her and his eyes were haunted, almost weary.

"I thought you were leaving." His tone was flat, showing none of the myriad of emotions that had flavored it just a few minutes ago.

"I-I was, I will be," she stammered, "but I have to do something first."

He dropped his arm and she saw him visibly tense, no doubt waiting for her to make a move against him. "I wouldn't advise testing my patience right now, Caroline. It isn't endless, even for you, and I'm not -"

She shifted forward, cutting him off with her lips against his, and it took her breath away along with whatever he had been about to say. The attraction she had felt before was nothing compared to the sudden rush of heat that washed over her. She started to get a little worried when he didn't respond, then suddenly he was kissing her back and her world seemed to both explode around her and suck her in. Somewhere in the back of her mind she felt him slip his arm around her waist and pull her against him. Bracing herself with a palm against his chest, she let her other hand slide up his arm and over his shoulder before she tangled her fingers in the loose curls of his hair. He gently grazed her bottom lip with his teeth, and she made a soft mewling sound before she opened her mouth to him. He kissed her like he was going to devour her, and she only briefly thought of retaking control. She found herself not wanting to take control. She wasn't even sure what she would  _do_  if she took control. All she could think about was the fact that he tasted as good as he smelled and him kissing her was one of the most amazing experiences of her life. Her fingers curled into the front of his shirt and his arm tightened around her as his tongue moved against hers and he explored her mouth. His other hand moved to cup her cheek in his palm and she leaned into the warmth of that touch, and she knew in that moment that she could have all of him - everything he'd ever promised her. If she took a chance, she knew she could be everything to him. That thought pushed back the haze that had wrapped itself around her, and she drew back from his lips, sucking in a breath. She didn't release the hold she had on him, but she let her forehead rest against his lips as she fought to catch her breath and collect her thoughts. He didn't say a word, just let her lean against him like that.

After a few moments, she finally dared to open her eyes and take a step back, feeling a little more steady. When he didn't attempt to hold on to her, to keep her close, she couldn't decide if she was grateful or not. She let her gaze linger on his lips for a moment before meeting his eyes. Not sure what it was she saw in them, she took a slow breath and nodded, more for herself than for him. She had to try twice before she found her voice, and though it was barely more than a whisper, it wasn't as shaky as she felt.

"That's why I had to come here."

His eyes still held the same look they had when she had broken the kiss, but it was laced with confusion now. She knew how ridiculous that statement must have sounded to him. She had needed to come here to kiss him, after he'd just slaughtered a dozen people and her  _boyfriend's_  mother the night before. It would sound ridiculous to anyone, but she'd needed to. She hadn't  _known_  she'd needed to, and it hadn't been  _just_  to kiss him. It had been a multitude of things really, but it had been the kiss and what it did to her, how it had made her feel, that had really given her some things to think about. Maybe she was being selfish, and maybe she would pay for it later, but she had needed to do it.

"Caroline -" he started, as she backed towards the door.

"Don't." she cut him off, her blue eyes solemn. "Don't say anything. I can't explain yet. I don't know if I'll ever be able to explain it, but I definitely can't right now. All I can say is that was me being about as honest as I can be right now, okay? So don't be mad."

She didn't wait for his response. She pulled out all of the vampire speed she could manage and got the hell out of there. Her exit lacked courage and dignity, but she was okay with that. That kiss had used up all of her bravery and honesty reserves for the day, and a tiny part of her, one that she was a little more okay with now, wondered what it would be like to kiss him like that without having to be brave; to kiss him like that just because she could. She had some tough choices to make, and one could very well lead to more kisses like that and her name a whisper on his lips. She found herself secretly smiling at the thought.


End file.
